play a song for me [01 Nov 2009|12:11pm] [ mood | alone ] first two paragraphs of my paper are written, as is my conclusion. all of my quotes are pulled, and basically all that is left is to put words to the ideas of my explications. i will be fine. i need to start on the road. if anyone can make me enjoy kerouac, wyly can. i need to bathe and take care of bodily functions. i need to go to the bank and put money in it, so i can send out applications this week. i am lonely and horny and bored. i am worried i am going to do something stupid soon. i am terrified of the next person i meet who shows interest in me. i don't want to let the overwhelming relief of physical contact delude me into falling in love, like i did in my last two relationships. i wasn't ever in love with jessi, and while i did truly love kayce, i loved her for being my companion and confidant more than for her intelligence or ideals, her motivations. in fact, i mostly loved her in spite of those things. i loved her because she was mostly easy to love and i needed someone to love. i do not want to do that again. i don't want to wake up one day and realize i married some cunt because she has a nice chest to lay my head on. i am led to only one conclusion: i have to engage in casual sex. we all know how hard that is for me to do. it's quite the conundrum. i need to clear my mind and emotions with sex before i have sex with someone who could potentially be a girlfriend. not that i want a girlfriend, or am planning on wanting one anytime soon, but, if someone advances on me i know i will be powerless to stop my penis, and from there it's only a slight breeze away from falling falsely in love. alright. enough. i am going to go wash these feelings down the shower drain, and then i think i am going to play some cards with eddie and maybe dennis. you can bet when i get home though, i'll be making a similar entry.

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