play a song for me [31 Oct 2009|02:00am] [ mood | drunk ] i hung out with chris tonight for the first time in months. it was really good. we went to uncle bongs and had a couple pitchers. eddie was there randomly, and so was david-andrew, and chris' new girlfriend, lauren. it was little awkward meeting lauren. not because i am one of chris' good friends, and a they have been dating ffor however many months now, and i am only just today meeting her, which was what made for the awkwardness with kirsten and deserae, but becauase she was wearing kayce's old perfume. i was caught between wanting to get an erection (the scent is really quite intoxicating, in the truest sense of the term), and wanting to vomit. granted,, i was probably kmosly awkward for me, nd thats why im drunk now. it was really good to see chris. of all my friendst, i think he has grown up "" more thn anyone else, at leaat in the amerian dream sort of way. he is the friend i did couples things with when i was with kayce, is the one who is most earnest about work and responsibility, and now is going to be the person i cut loose with on friday nights. even if i aM not in a couple, i can pretend to be grown up with him. and by pretend to be i mean actually be. we decied to make it a regular friday night thing, going out drinking, kickin'it. its sucks that i have to relegate my life so devoting days to spedific firneds and takss, but its what has to be done to maintain basic human contact outside of the almost completely absorbing beurocracy i find myself accepting full part in. i wants to write... stories but need to finish editing. i just have the midnset to irtew and so i want to. at least when im drunk i write words in scrabbleannagram form, so you can maybe figuyre out what im saying tomorrrow.. balls. i needs to quit saying balls. fuck, i sont know what to say. drunk nd high and nothing on tv and no way to be productive and desperate not to feel sorry for myself. i hate thew idea of sleep. im thinking by my lack of typing ability i should maybe have not driven home, but i got home and so like all drunk drivers say, something that justify means because of ends or not being a next time and carfeulness. tomorrow i wqill be in davis with laura. i am excited. i havent been to davis since i left. i may want to go to the vampus and see if they are open so's i can get transcripts sent to me for to forwards to csu's/. i am worried i will see kayce there. i think she spends lots of time in davis now. i am so paranoid of seeing her. i don't know how ill react. theres so muvch hatred and pride and pther random emotion mixed up in the whole thing that my ears might start to bleed. that would be embarasing. i want. pissa.pizza/ pizza/ . period. i cant type periodsl; damnint so ill start saying stop stop i think thats all i have to say stop but i dont want to go yet stop i am not ready for bed or the swimming head in bed waiting for sleep stop amazing stop dangerously drunk stop close to spinning stop what the fuck stop drink on smoke and you wont choke stop smoke on drink and you will sink stop i smoked before i drank so i shoudlnts get sick but i think i got a little too hyphy why did i say hyphy i didnt get hyphy i just like saying hyphy i fogot about it like it was some old model of nike shoe stop goddamnit stop i need to go fuck off to sleep stop goodnight stop

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