5 songs - play a song for me [22 Oct 2009|08:08pm] [ mood | high ] I'll be goddamned if i am not incapable of writing a bad essay. i know absolutely nothing about the political workings or workers in iran, but fuck me if i didn't just write an awesome paper about them. actually i do know a little bit, but it's like my knowledge of algebra or spanish - i know just enough to confuse the fucking shit out of myself or anyone who actually knows what they're saying. anyways. now all i have to do this weekend is write a paper on kafka, and finish the handmaid's tale. i am not entirely looking forward to the kafka paper, because i am confined to a single prompt since i refuse to formally write my own and turn it in for approval. The prompt is along the lines of what i want to write about, but it is incorporating Camus' myth of sisyphus and using his terms as the parameters for discussion, and i don't actually think it applies to the novel as directly as michael thinks. K. never truly realizes the futility of his effort. he thinks he does, but he doesn't. maybe he does at the end, on the second-to-last page, but i still don't think he achieves the level of understanding I am talking about, Camus is talking about. whatever. tomorrow i will try to catch michael at his office hours, or maybe ask for an extra class meeting so i can think about it longer. he might give it to me. i kind of get special treatment. it is really cool, actually. since i left and came back, the professors treat me more like a colleague than ever. I was actually mistooken three times today for a teacher. i wasn't even dressed nice. i was in a hoodie and my disco inferno shirt. i think i have poison oak on my penis because i masturbate too much. i have a tiny tiny bit on the webbing between my middle and ring finger, and now my dick goddamned itches like its diseased, which i thankfully know it is not. you're welcome for that. anyways. now that i have my computer back and i have been once again frightened by the fragility and tenuity of the existence of my book. as soon as this kafka essay is done i am going to resume putting in my edits, and work until it is done. I think then it'll be ready to show people. i need to get some feedback. my eyes can't be the only ones to see the words before i attempt to do something with it. at the very least I should show the people who are in it. most of them. some of them are dead, or dead to me, and as such cannot be shown. one of my students wrote an amazing personal essay, and i have actually convinced her to expand it into a book, and she wants my help all the way, so we are going to start working on that pretty soon. if nothing else it will be a fucking interesting project and experience, and possibly could be something that springboards me into the world of editing and facilitates my own publishing (am i goddamned self-centered, or what?). i don't know. we'll see where it goes. i hope it goes, because i am in love with her story. I've got a couple stories i want to write elsewise, a couple books i want to read. it's time to get busy. oh yeah. i got my blue suede shoes. they fucking fit and they are fucking sexy as fuck. i just have to get other new shoes now, because they are not every day shoes. they are shoes i want to keep alive, wear only sometimes, have for years like a t-shirt or pants. i always thought it was vanity that drove people to own many pairs of shoes, and it is partly vanity that has been recently driving me to want to own many pairs of shoes, but i am beginning to see that it may well be more prudent than subscribing to the throwaway nature of the shoe industry: if i run through a pair of shoes every six months, that it two a year. but if i owned, say, one pair of shoes for every day of the week (not that i want that many, but, you know) then each pair would only be worn a cumulative two months per year, a little less. that means that it would take a little more than three years for all of the shoes to erode to the point of needing to be replaced - based on the data from continuous use of a single pair - but i strongly suggest that in this new experimental mode of shoe-wearing, the fact that the eroding accompanying the act of walking or running would be minimalized because no pair of shoes is worn every day. Not only does this equal less cumulative friction and erosion, but the shoe is also suddenly dramatically less likely to get wet or torn, burned or scuffed, etc. which is, frankly what accounts for much of my wear on shoes. I go trekking through the forest or the mud or i jump in puddles. i prop my feet up near campfires. sometimes i fall off of bikes or skateboards or just plain fall down. this damage will not be gained equally proportionally, since odds such as 1:7 do not actually hit one in seven times. Hence my conclusion that having that many pairs of shoes will extend the life of the shoes so far that less money will be spent on shoes in say, a six year period (we must allow for two cycles of degradation, at least, before we can see the benefits begin to compound) than if i simply bought and wore them one after the other. okay. i am done. sorry for boring you. i'm high, and so i wrote an essay on shoes. my bad. i'm going to go prepare for card night tomorrow night, and tonight's episode of sunny. oh. and i fucking lost my glasses, so now i constantly have headaches. that's why i got so high i wrote an essay about shoes.

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