play a song for me [01 Sep 2009|05:48pm] [ mood | calm ] i feel like i should make an entry, even though i have nothing to say. this is a good moment of the day, when nothing seems hopeless, or rather, everything doesn't seem hopeless, though i am sure things will change before i go to bed. so far this semester all of my students have been really good. i have to teach one of them to read, like, from maybe the first grade level. another asked me today if i ever feel God trying to communicate with me by spiritually probing my anus, to paraphrase. it is going to be an interesting four months, for sure. i think i have decided to nip the whole gina thing in the bud. i need to devote my time and energy to personal growth, or continue to do so. i just really want someone to make out with. i'm not even interested in sex (i'm not uninterested, but it is not at the top of the list). all i want is faces and fingertips and lips and tongues and closed eyes and saliva. and i know this could be quite easily accomplished - i have actually walked away from two separate offers since school has started - but i have no desire to play the game, to take part in the dance. ugh. baseball season means scrubs is an afterthought for all but one half-an-hour block. this is okay. i rented the new charlie kaufman movie and the new wong kar wai movie, so i will at least be entertained through the night. i worry, because my model for personal growth leaves chinks whereby any moment of downtime, and second where i am not absorbing or creating art, or lavishing in my own awesomeness, can be a fatal spear that sends me spiraling back to square one. i'll have to think on that one. maybe i need to take up yoga or something again.

4 songs - play a song for me [01 Sep 2009|09:20pm] [ mood | inspired ] oh jesus christ. i just watched the charlie kaufman movie i rented, Synechdoche, New York. i didn't think it was possible. i honestly thought i had found, seen, and experienced the most profound emotional experience i would ever receive from a work of art in Six Feet Under, that i had cried as hard as i ever would, but charlie kaufman has, as he has every time i've encountered one of his brainchildren, renewed my faith in the ability to push a narrative into unexplored areas. i want to watch it with all three people i know who will appreciate it, but i am afraid i will wail and blubber again. seriously, it gave me stendhal syndrome. it was so beautiful i wanted to vomit. i wailed on and off from about twenty minutes into the two-hour movie. i need to go get high and think about the movie and how it applies to my book. Laura: whenever you come back from santa cruz (you went down today, right?) if you've got time we should watch it. i'll try not to cry, and if i do i won't make any noise :-p

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