play a song for me don't you be wastin all your money on syrup and honey... [13 Aug 2009|11:44am] [ mood | awake ] I think i may be figuring some things out. i am making progress with my life. i think. i am making good resolutions and sticking to them. my book is proof enough of that. the only way out of a hole is to keep digging at the sides until the floor raises or there's a nice easy-grade ramp leading out. i definitely have moments of wavering resolution. i definitely think i am a long way from good or okay, even, but i am getting there. I need to fix my tattoo before monday. i could do it today, but saturday i am river-bound, and its probably not a good idea to have a fresh tattoo soaking for that long. i am worried, because i am still really fed up and disillusioned with academia. i am afraid i will go back and realize i didn't make a mistake by dropping out, and i'll have to go through the process all over again. in a week i will be back at the tutoring center. i remembered the other day how tired and drained I was when kayce and i would get off, how anfry i would be. but i was also smoking less weed when i was with kayce, was pissed off a lot more often. it's a very real probability that i won't be able to transfer for a year, because of the budget cuts to CSUs. i am not looking forward to that, but i can use the year to get my debt under control, save some money. if i just keep up at half time, work at the TC, the kennel, and wherever else i can find work (whenever that fucking ship gets here), i think it is totally feasible. especially if i use the year to evolve, like i plan. the problem with evolving is the problem of the prodigal son: i feel like i'm already there, and want to jump the gun. story of my life. but then again i never learned to sit still and probably never will. anyways, i need to go take my dog outside, and then get to work proofing. i have a lot to get through.

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