play a song for me [11 Jul 2009|10:44am] [ mood | okay ] okay. the weekend is here. that means fifty-two hours until i am alone in the house again, until i can write. i may be able to write for a few hours this weekend, lock myself in my room - i was last weekend - but it will be two days until i can get anything substantial done. which may be good. maybe i need two days to gather material so i have something substantial to write. i am writing like i haven't written since i was in high school, when i was writing screenplays instead of stories. the pages come, the words are strong. i am writing like i've wanted to write since i started college, when all my time escaped into the black hole that is semester and quarter living. i looked up and in three years i had written maybe seventy-thousand words (not including the words that appear in this text box, of course). i'll be coming up on thirty-thousand words in the next week. the only problem is i am writing so much, so fast, that i am actually keeping up with my ideas, events. Yes, a lot has been skipped over, and needs to be written in or out before the end, but as far as moments of story go, i am abreast, if not actually ahead a little bit, of where i can be, considering the nature of the story. not that that is a problem - just that i am running out of stockpiled material, and that means i am going to have to go out into the world soon. anyways, here is my checklist for the day: make sure PSCS4 works and is not infected with some virus, burn it, and then make a run of it in exchange for some much needed horticultural goods. go to the bank. pay parking ticket. try to write see jenna if she comes to town. i am all but given up on the masterpiece report writing thing. i feel foolish for getting my hopes up, making large-font entries. there are two reasons: A) i am not at all sure this is not an identity theft/home robbery scam, wherein you send them all kinds of personal information and detailed pictures of your home and the valuables in it, and they come clean you out. B) i am not at all ready to put myself fully back into the real world. theatrics and drama and woeisme aside, i have a lot of shit to work through, and i just don't have the emotional energy to put on that fake smile and handshake. and this is where circumstances become excuses becomes a vicous cirlce. how predictable am i? but you know what? today it's okay. today i am not going to beat myself up. today i am going to try to support myself.

2 songs - play a song for me [11 Jul 2009|09:31pm] [ mood | tired ] oh god, what a long day. i am so tired.

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